Monday, February 10, 2014

lets talk about alone, truly alone. sure you can have someone laying next to you at night and still feel alone. its the aloneness of body that once was paired, the aloneness of mind that was once shared. that kind of alone. then lets talk about being worthless. when you were once finally coming to understand what it was to be worth something to yourself but you gave it up to be worth something in a partnership. you temporize, you succumb, you compromise on things you wouldn't on your own. when you go and say yes to things you wouldn't just so that you don't feel that aloneness, that lack of worth in their eyes.
and then it all falls apart.

suddenly all you have left is your broken bits that no one wants, tiny shards of hopelessness lost in the dark of your own mind.
then you can talk to me.
we will have stories of hope and love and happiness. because you remember that it was good and worth it and you were something to someone. and you can wonder where it all went so terribly wrong. which point did it turn, which words should you have said, or not said. how to tell the truth from the lie and which lies you let lay. we can cry together as we remember the moment that you realized the future was laid bare, and it was a barren wasteland.

we will talk you and i.
we will talk of things and stuff and such. we will hold dear to us those memories and stories once shared and appreciated. we will lament love and happiness and peace because we know now how fleeting and futile it is.

and then we will both feel alone... and worthless

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